March 26th, 2010 9:13 am
It is roughly 9 am and I’m in Estacion Sur waiting for my bus to Ponferrada to leave. I’m spending the next 10 days walking El Camino de Santiago. I’m so excited to get out of the city, spend some time with nature and maybe answer some of those questions that bubble up ever once in awhile. Like what am I doing with my life? Do I really want to be a teacher or is it the easy way out? Is being a RA for another year good for my mental health and physical health? What about student manager at the Brew? What will I do when I graduated? Why am I unhappy with so many things? Blah blah blah… I think this is going to be an exhausting experience but it’s about time I took some time to just think, however, I’m going to enjoy the scenery for the meantime.
March 26th, 2010 7:44 pm
Well I successfully met up with Andi, I was slightly worried about this because she took an earlier bus and I left my mobile in Madrid (whoops!) but thank God Andi is a smart women and knew I didn’t have my phone. I found her waiting patiently in the bus station in Ponferrada. Not even 10 seconds after we left the station did it start down pouring. Welcome to El Camino! It sure was one hell of a way to start our hike…
March 27th, 2010 4:55 pm
We met Paul from North Carolina last night and hence why my thoughts weren’t exactly finished. He seems like a pretty cool cat and definitely good company. Here is Paul’s story from what I can recall. He’s 24, graduated from UNC(?) went to Costa Rica for a year to seek out a life in the seminary but was told by the Episcopal Archbishop that he should get a little more life experience and try again, so that’s how he ended up on el Camino! On a different note, I couldn’t sleep at all last night, most likely nerves and excitement and possibly the fact that our German friend decided to play with his Blackberry all night. My insights thus far have not been grand, but its hard to think when you’re worrying about your feet or whether or not you should make conversation. I wish I had don’t this alone because at this point I need some serious time to just think about what I want in life and how I’m going to get that. Clearly I want to be happy but what makes me happy? Shoes, kids, being in love, nice clothes, the outdoors, being adventurous, traveling, my family, meeting new people, having cool things, being independent, being a shoulder to cry on, being involved in intellectual and insightful conversations, wine, good food, good hair days, having revelations, crying, my brother, fires, stars, music, and a relationship with God… this is where I get stuck, how can I have all the said above things and maintain a REAL relationship. I feel like mine is pretty superficial right now. I pray and talk and think of God, but do I ever really act for Him? Do I want to act for Him? I think of people like garret gundlach and just want to be him, he is so happy and content with his life and I want that but how do I give up the things he’s given up? Or Tom! Jesus works through all of us, but none so obvious as those two. Maybe this camino should be about eliminating things that make me unhappy and replacing them with God? If I want to complain, I send up a prayer of thanks, or want to be selfish, do something for someone else. We’ll try this tomorrow. Today we walked from Ponferrada to Villafranca and according to our elevation map it was a “flat” day...tomorrow is looking much more inclined. It shall be fun and if I’m going to do it, I honestly have to do it at my own pace, I want to be strong and feel like I pushed myself. From here on out it’s about doing and being the best, to give the most of myself. “Magis!” Maybe I’ll be happy and find God along the way. On a different note, it was beautiful today! Cloudy this morning but not long after we started the sun came out to stay. We saw some beautiful woods and brooks and lots of countryside. I love the red clay earth and vineyards, especially with the mountains in the background; it’s the perfect view for a hike. It’s what Nebraska should be with a glimpse of the Rockies. One thing is for sure, I need to live near mountains. There is something majestic and empowering about them. They inspire me, which is great because I’ve been finding it hard to find things that evoke inspiration. This is a lot for one day, I’m going to go rest. My face is warm from the sun and my feet are sore from the earth, time to just breathe and drink agua.

March 29th, 2010 8:26 pm
Yesterday: Climb mountains, the high is real, the pain is worth it and the view is always astounding. Although I won’t lie it was extremely hard on me, physically and mentally. Andi and I were probably extremely sick of each other but we prevailed and pushed through to O Cebriero. However, after we hiked and climbed roughly 37 kilometers there were no beds left in town… We ended up taking a taxi back DOWN the mountain we had just climbed to first try to sleeping in a school but there was no hot water and the place was freezing and full of spiders. It’s one thing to go camping and live without such commodities as a shower, its one thing when you don’t actually have a tent to enjoy. We opted out of that luxurious option and instead paid way too much for a room in a hostel, that coincidentally was without heat. We had to get up at 5:45 am to catch a bus back up the mountain to continue our walk. While yesterday was rough, I think I have a better grasp of who I am and what I want. I’m pretty sure law school is a must; I need to start living ad being Magis. There was no coincidence that “magi” was written in stone on the peak of our first mountain. To give “the more” of myself to everything I do and everyone I met.
Today was a wretched start in the dark, rain, cold, wind and snow. However it was all down-hill. Since we couldn’t find a place to stay last night we pushed ahead and now we are spending the night in Samos. The last 10 kilometers I walked/jogged in torrential rain and have never been that angry with God in my entire life. I was tired, sore and frustrated and I just don’t know what He wants from me. I’m pushing myself but I’m not finding any answers and the rain didn’t help. I had hiked ahead of Andi to just get to Samos. I was soaked to the bone and I had lost Andi. The entire last 4 kilometers were a race to find her/get a phone where I could call her. After finally arriving in Samos I found a smile upon my face that I didn’t understand at the moment because I was so angry. But after I calmed down, I realized that I had just followed through for 2 days in a row. I had done what I said I was going to do and I did it purely because I wanted to, not because someone else was asking or making me do it. Walking into the Albergue (pilgrim hostel) was great because the first face I saw was Andi’s. She had taken the wrong path out of Triacastela and went back to look for me, couldn’t find me, so she took a taxi to Samos. After I had removed all of my drenched clothing, I took a ‘warm’ shower, hung my mud/rain-stained clothes up and headed across the street to eat some hearty soup and pizza. It was delicious and warm. Now me, Andi, Paul (North Carolina), Tim and Brad (Canada) are listening to Tim play his guitar. The songs are beautiful and some just make me want to go home, and right now I just really miss Mom and Dad; Dad to give me a hug and Mom to encourage me to keep going. I miss Adam making me laugh! Of course I also miss my grandma. I wish she could just know all the thoughts going through my head. She’s in just about all of them. Time now to rest my feet. Tomorrow is going to be a bit of a climb.
March 30th, 2010 2:23 pm
Currently sitting on a bus to Portomarín. Andi has no skin on her 2 pinky toes and I worried that I busted my left knee really bad. My right hip doesn’t want to life my leg either, so we’re taking it easy today. We hiked into Sarris this morning, so that was a good 12 kilometers in the morning rain. I couldn’t sleep again last night because 1) there were no pillows and 2) all the men were snoring. After trudging through the rain for 2 hours all I wanted to do was sleep. That was mildly frustrating. I’m also really upset about my knee. I had been running and jogging to somewhat physically prepare myself for this and its disheartening to have a broken body. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed myself so hard yesterday or I should just know my limits better. I’m stupid to care but I’m worried that others would think less of me if I didn’t do what I said I was going to. This is probably another thing to add to my list of things to work on, self-willpower, self- confidence and self-strength. Basically I need to believe in who I am and not let others influence that (unless I am out of life of course!) So my pride is little hurt today because I don’t want to “cheat” by taking this bus, but I have to care for my body, this is when humility would come in handy…
March 30th, 2010 5:14 pm
So by the time we got to Portomarín the albergue was full again. I’m currently in my sleeping bag on a concrete floor in a “sports center”. Not a sports center like at home but a big open concrete building with broken windows. Tonight might be a long night but I know I have it better than a lot of the people in this world. Hopefully this will help me to learn to appreciate what I have in life.
March 31st, 2010 7:54 am
Well we’re back on the road again… and by road I literally mean road, in a bus. Andi’s toes are pretty bad and most likely infected and we spent all night shivering in that damn “sports club”. I wish Andi wasn’t infected and I wish I hadn’t strained myself. All in all I learned a lot. Pushing yourself is great, pushing yourself until you’re broken, not so great. It’s a lesson I definitely needed to learn however I will be back to the camino and I will do the whole thing, just on my own terms. My hip is in a knot, my knee sucks, my face is greasy, my hair is a rat’s nest, my legs are hairy, my feet are still cold, and my spirit is broken. Andi wants to go back to Madrid today. The German girls we met last night want to go on to Casanova today and be in Santiago by Friday. I can’t decide if I should go with Andi to Madrid or go on… I’ll let you know what I decide.
March 31st, 2010 6:38 pm
I’m back in Madrid. I’ve cried to my mom and to Katie so far because I just feel like I let myself down by not going on, but I wouldn’t have wanted Andi to go back to Madrid by herself and I took the easy way out. Mercedes told me I have a good heart but I’m not sure if that’s true. I think I do a good job letting people believe I have a good heart. I was in pain today, no doubt, but I could’ve gone on. I know that. I could have finished. But instead I spent 53 euro to take a 6 ½ hour bus ride home to Madrid. Dr. Passero had called Mercedes so she wasn’t surprised to see me. As soon as I walked in the door Mercedes hugged me and could instantly tell I was upset. I love how well she knows me. I also like how Mom and Katie gave me completely different advice. Mom told me that I could learn from this and just take what I have learned and continue on next time. Katie told me I should be proud because I was selfless and I tried and that would please God. I’m pretty sure God can read my thoughts and would not be proud because I wasn’t happy with myself about going home. I think I used Andi’s pain as my own excuse to give up. That is no reason to be proud. I cried because I had let myself down, not because I wasn’t “allowed” to finish.
But before the memories start to fade there are a few things I don’t want to forget and few lessons I learned from the people I met.
Paul: You have to stop with your own agenda and let God’s plan unfold
Julio (from Cadiz): Have fun, drink wine, life is short.
Jose/Jose: deal with what you’re given, a bed is only a place you sleep
Colombian girls: Friendship is a 2 way street, sometimes you give and sometimes you receive.
Swedish guys, Erik and Christian: you can’t hike and smoke. Cheese bocadillos are not a substantial form of food.
Brad (Canada): you don’t have to know everything right now, take a break to figure things out.
Tim (Canada): Spread music, it speaks more than words, its speaks feelings
Chris (Texas/Barcelona): Seek out those who look lost and make friends
Claudia and Ana (Germany): Ask questions if you want answers. You can never be 100% prepared (Achilles heel). Have a positive attitude, people notice. Be funny!
Andi: wear good shoes.
Ana (Barcelona): SPEAK SPANISH
Myself: I am capable of the things I want to do. I like being from Iowa. I’ll marry someone with a similar spirit to the men I met on the Camino. Chocolate and red wine go great together. I need to know my limits. I love my family more than I’ll ever be able to express. I have faults, a lot of them. I want something out of life. I can climb mountains, so why am I settling for hills? There is a God and He believes in me. Magis.